Anal Rapist: Rebecca Black

My everyday life is humdrum. You could call it mundane, or even oppressive. I used to rankle at wasting my irreplaceable years with so much stupidity, but then I got bored and apathy kicked in. After that I adopted my new hobby, which is tracking celebrities, drugging them and sodomizing them. It gave me a newfound sense of self-esteem and hope in life.

I have a fat wife. We have sex twice a month whether we need it or not. I have to imagine someone from a porn video and I am sure she has to do the same. The monstrous beast mounted by the stick-thin man with a lisp and nerdly quasi-stache. Our marriage has always been about practicality. With her, I can afford a house and the two kids who think I'm a wimp so steal from my wallet and make fun of me to their friends when I'm in the room.

But having a teenage daughter means I've heard of most of the trends, so when I was suffering through an extended business lunch meeting and someone said, "Hey, isn't that Rebecca Black?" I excused myself and went right to the car for my rape kit. Doubling back, I faked an illness and found a quiet stall in the Barnes and Noble bathroom to change into my disguise.

As I approached the Hot Topic where she was still, I felt sweat on the palms of my hands. Was I still able to make this work? But then I slipped out of my work persona, where I'm in the invisible nerd as interesting as oatmeal, and into my nocturnal identity as the terror of ruptured colons everywhere. I palmed my newest piece of gear, a hand-held turbo aerosol that can jet my fentanyl mixture across a room and knock someone out cold.

She stood there with her bodyguard and two friends, looking at some silly gothic dress. In the armor of my disguise, I boldly approached a nearby rack with an exclamation as if I had found some item I eagerly sought. the group, embarrassed by this weird old guy prowling through Hot Topic, turned away in disgust, which gave me an opportunity. I whipped up my arm and discharged a load of the fentanyl mix in each face, their eyes widening as they gasped in surprise and gulped down huge doses of the mixture.

As they slumped, I drove forward, picking up Rebecca and pushing us both into the employee lounge. Luck was with me; it was empty. I pushed out a back door and into the tunnel system behind the mall. After a few minutes of duck-walking her around, I located a phone cabinet and pulled her inside, locking the door. I opened my kit and got out the wrist restraints and lubricant.

The anticipation before entering her itched like a hornet burning its way through my loins. She lay before me, consenting by lack of resistance, and I realized for the first time how young she was. 13 doesn't look all that different from 16 with a girl like this, I thought, peeling off her tights and cute pink little underpants with elephants and hearts on them. Her sex and the shadowy hole beneath it winked at me.

I took a deep breath. Like many younger girls, she was not as tuned to hygiene as she could be, which just made my heart pound faster. I broke the heat stick in my bottle of lubricant and waited as it heated to body temperature, then sprayed it over her thin pink anus. It pulsed under me and the pulsing quickened as I loosened my zipper, my member flopping out at full height, a condom already wrapped around it.

Riding her was like a dream. Her tender jailbait rectum enfolded me tightly, and the new flesh of her ass was like the cheeks of a baby, giving some resistance but not much, making it like a caress to enter her. I could smell the slightly acidic and sweet faeces of a young girl who liked her treats, the sugary filth squirting down her legs as the suction of my withdrawal extracted it from deep within. She squirmed a little and I felt my prostate twang and sing. I got ready for the inevitable explosion.

She stirred. "Where?" she managed and I smiled down at her.

"In a dark alley," I said. "I'm an anal rapist."

"I get that," she said dreamily. "You forget I've been in Hollywood for two weeks. This is about normal for a Thursday."

For some reason this enraged me, so I piled in deeper. She widened to accommodate, a faint stench of digesting cinnabon wafting up from her twitching sphincter.

"I hate your music," I said, to add some gravity to the situation.

But she rolled with it. "Me too," she said. "I'm more of a Miles Davis kind of girl."

"Why don't you do jazz then?" I said.

"No money in it," she said. "I save the best for myself. 'Friday' is going to make me a million or two straight up, because the people out there don't want Miles Davis. They want simple."

I dug in deeper and she made the sweetest feminine sound, a grunt of readjustment overlaid with a sigh. Her flesh enclosed me like the sheath of a flower, yielding but adhering, tempting my final moment with its gentle pressure.

She leaned forward and spread herself further. "Why don't you take off that irritating condom? I'd like to feel you."

This threw me off, so I thought it through. "Not on your life. You want DNA evidence so you can go public with this."

"A book deal's a half-million," she said languidly. "If I do talk shows, I could double that. I want to be retired by 21."

"That's the annoying thing," I said. "Ordinary people work their whole lives and get maybe a tenth of what you'll get for this silly song with words that don't make any sense."

"Who's screwing who then?" she asked, and inhaled sharply as I rammed deep into her and convulsed with my ecstasies of ejaculation. As my thick fluid ballooned the condom, I punched her sharply on the back of the nape. She collapsed forward as I detonated deep in her rectum.

Anal Rapist: Julian Assange

The wonderful and horrible thing about this modern world is that everything has a price. For a thick wad of folding money, I found myself at the door to a special cell while my host opened the digital lock.

"Cameras off for fifteen," he told me in his clipped accent, and touching his cap, walked away, trying to hide the American greenbacks in his waistband.

From inside the cell I heard soft weeping.

My victim lived in perpetual mortal terror at this point. He broke when his enemies had encircled him, ensnared him, and then made it clear that his family would pay the price for his transgression.

They also didn't seem to care if I helped him pay that price.

I pushed aside the heavy security door and looked at the pale man before me.

He crouched on the floor, and looked at me in total confusion as I sprayed a fentanyl-based aerosol into his face. Soon he relaxed in a semiconscious position, still watching me with those uncannily vacant eyes.

Digging in my backpack, I took out the video camera and set it up on the sink so it owuld film us. The mask descended over my face, and the rest of me was dressed in formal black, with gloves -- I even had a black condom on my seething member.

"Assange," I said. "More like AssAngel." I moved in for the kill.

It wasn't hard to rip off Assange's civilian clothing, then force his head down into the toilet while I squirted lubricant into his rectum. I keep a bottle with a chemical heat stick in it so that I never have to waste time waiting for it to warm up.

As he struggled with one feeble hand to get out of the toilet, I punched him hard at the base of the neck. Howling in glee, I penetrated deep through his protesting anus into his quivering large intestine. He gasped in pain and fear, perhaps disgust, and writhed in terror. I kept closed-hand punching the side of his head until he kept the writing to a manageable level.

I desecrated his rectum with violence and lust. Pounding away so hard that his lip split on the toilet seat and one eyebrow tore against the painted brick walls, I whispered to him as I smashed hard into his prostate.

"I'm going to open source this video, and post it on Twitter. I'll have a dozen backup servers. Information wants to be free, and guess what's now out of the bag? Everyone you know will see me raping you. You will forever be known as anally raped Julian," I said.

At that he made a strangled sound and twitched violently. I thrust with greater frequency, my joy and feverish desire culminating as his despair grew vast. As he made strangled sound, I reached my apex and spent myself deep inside of his digestive tract while he writhed.

I threw him down on the floor and laughed. He embraced the cold concrete like a saviour or lost child. The bravado I had seen on the news was gone, as was the anger. I had freed him from himself with this rectal desecration.

"So who's mighty now?" I said, and zipped up, then withdrew into the cold of the night, anonymous forever.

Anal Rapist: Lindsay Lohan

Part of doing any job well is good research. It is amazing how a single piece of data means almost nothing, but combined with several others, becomes a threat of massive proportions.

For example, the Lohan. It's not hard to find out where she parties, as the list of LA clubs hits Perez Hilton and the tabloids every other week. It's also not that difficult to find a picture of her car, and then one of those celebrity maps that shows her summer house in the hills of Los Angeles.

Hunched over a motorcycle with a chronic carburetor clog, I waited until I could calculate the time it took her to go up winding Mulholland Drive to get to her own turn, and then into her expensive bungalow. These details are important.

The next Thursday, I waited while the bars closed and even most of the Hollywood Hills shut up for the night. At 3:30, I spotted her Mercedes coupe winding slowly up the curvy roads, and crouched lower by the roadside. I wore a ghillie suit I'd picked up at the touristy army surplus store, dressed like an anonymous tourist and paying that price, and kept my red-filtered LED flashlight at my side. When she was almost upon me, I yanked my hand upward.

This yank had two effects: first, it opened the sliding door of the cage in which another purchase, a friendly and adorable rabbit, waited with fearful eyes made worse by my frequent slapping of the cage sides; second, it unleashed a spray of everyday furniture cleaner, producing a cloud of fog through which she drove.

Even her alcohol-numbed senses snapped to attention as the cute bunny rabbit hopped directly in the path of her wheels, and Lohan yanked the car savagely to one side, colliding with a convenient tree and knocking her head into the exploding airbag. Unconscious, she lolled back in the car seat as I approached.

I cast the ghillie suit into the woods, now dressed in the uniform of an auto shop nearby. My fake moustache was back as were contact lenses that changed my eyes to a radiant green. My gloved hands unbuckled her seatbelt and lifted her from the seat. She frothed a little, and spread her legs slightly in her summer dress, probably remembering a sexual encounter from earlier that evening.

I picked up her dead weight, ignoring her incoherent mumbling, and carried her to my motorcycle. I ripped off her pretty dress and sweaty panties, forcing her into a leather riding costume, and then secured a helmet on her head. I then tied her hands across my belly with a bandana, and set off on the bike, with her behind me like an adoring passenger. We passed the emergency vehicles heading up the hill.

Near the bottom of the hill is a small park. There was the trailer I'd picked up earlier by picking its lock and unhooking it from its car; on it, I put a license plate from another trailer I'd spotted in a body shop lot, on its way to the junkyard. These two details matched up just enough for a busy cop to bypass us after dialing in the plate.

Inside, I bent her over the stuffed cot they call a bed. She was reviving, so I removed a self-injector loaded with a carefully calculated dose of halothane and popped it into her nubile flesh. She gasped, then the eyes rolled upward and struggle ceased. I removed the modified enema bottle, with a chemical heater within, that I use to administer lubricant, and squirted it all over her quivering anus.

Then my assault began in earnest. For a few moments, I was the raging wind, the tempestuous oceans, and the intensity of fire. Then I came to earth like a ton of bricks, surging forward with an animal impulse I could not control, as the limp ragdoll beneath me moaned in her chemical sleep.

I cleaned up all forensic evidence, sprayed a mixture of ammonia and benzyl sulfonamide over any surfaces I had contacted, and withdrew from the van. In the morning she would awaken with a widened entrance to her rectum but only slightly dazed, and stumble up the hill, where an army of publicists would converge to safeguard "their" asset.

Anal Rapist: Justin Bieber

Of all my places to find targets, industries like entertainment where they make money by formula are the easiest, because everyone has gotten fat and lazy doing the same thing over and over again. They don't notice a dedicated penetration.

At the backstage of a Bieber show, I flashed an ID card (made with Photoshop at Kinko's and pasted over one of their copy cards) to the security guard and she glanced at the flowers I carried and my thrift store uniform, then waved me past, her eyes already elsewhere perhaps on the passing celebrities. People gave me directions to the dressing room.

"Just leave them in there and He will see them later," said the self-important tour manager in her red-frame square spectacles. I put the flowers on the counter by the mirrors, then stopped to check my hair, at which point the tour manager was halfway out the door. I went into a closet instead.

When I heard lots of chatter, and that trademark squeaky voice, I knew the moment had arrived. I slipped the mask from my pocket and held it over my nose and mouth, then pressed the remote in my pocket. An explosion of gas -- a mixture of aerosolized fentanyl and acetylcholine blockers -- filled the room, and I heard soft dense impacts seconds later as the inhabitants hit the floor.

My hands wrapped in latex sought the door with tingling anticipation. I removed cable ties from my pocket and used them to secure the two make-up artists and the image consultant. Then I locked the door and turned to Bieber.

His gamine face in peaceful repose looked up at me as I turned over the body. I encountered that moment I have every time I dominate a celebrity, like I am looking at an Icon itself turned into flesh. I waved away the emotion. I had to act quickly.

Bieber wore some kind of track suit in a feeble bid to get street cred. I pulled down the pants, admiring the lace panties, then ripped off the jacket and stretchy t-shirt to look at his naked torso. Some kind of strange curving scar crossed the chest, and I made a note to research it later.

But then I shoved him over an upturned chair, whipped out the modified enema bottle with internal heater and sprayed lubricant onto his darling pucker. He gasped and moaned out a single note, then mumbled something incoherent as my condom-wrapped member raged into his inner cavity. His little hands beat against the chair, then fell limp.

I continued my assault, widening him and penetrating deeply where others feared to tread. As I reached the apex of experience, after which nothing remains but slow decline, I punched him hard in the back of the head and watched him go entirely limp as my fluid ballooned inside of him.

I carefully cleaned up any forensic evidence, turned my uniform inside out so it resembled that of the firm that always does security for this particular venue, put on sunglasses and removed the electric sprayer from the flowers, closing the door after me as I melded with the slipstream and then left the building.